Tell me please...
Reuniting with your casual friends that you've lost touch with many years ago; and
Making friends with a total stranger...
Which one is difficult for you to do?
If your answer is "making friends with a total stranger", you answered correctly.
But.. making new friends shouldn't be difficult to us.
Children enjoy doing it (even thoughtlessly). Why shouldn't we?
In this article, you will learn many skills (apart from money) that you need in making friendship at first sight while you increase your circle and keep making your life better and enjoyable with your new friends.
You will also learn that making friends is not an act reserved only for the rich because they have money. I will explain later...
First, let me show you the amazing package you will get from a friendship just to show you how making good friends will not only speed up your growth and increase your horizon, but could also save your life.
Friends Have Saved My Life
Having good friends is a good thing and it keeps you healthy, lively and smart. It also helps to retain information in your brain, because, when you are learning, or watching a movie with the aim to teach it to others, you remember it more.
English is not my first language, so I mashed line a lot in speaking it when I was growing up.
When I was very young (about twenty years ago), there is a specific part of the meat I called "biscuit bone" unknowingly. One day, I mentioned it (in request for that part of the meat) again. And Emeka (my friend) was with me. And after much laughter, he corrected me by saying, "it is brisket bone" and not "biscuit bone".
Well, I was dumbfounded and at the same time, amaze of what more I do not know that I should know. I accepted it, and my knowledge was upgraded, and I moved on... that morning, a seeker of knowledge was born!
Another time, I fell into a deep pit while trying to catch a beautiful bird. But another friend of mine saved my life by lifting me up with a rope. And I was very grateful.
In these two among the many other experiences I can remember, friends are the pillar of my motivation and most of the things I've known. You can see clearly from the above scenario that a friend thought me earlier the best way to pronounce a "biscuit bone"! (imagine).
And another friend saved my life, another day.
These two events are just few of the many times, friends have helped or saved me.
Many people don't realised how much they could accomplish with friends on board. They prefer to be alone (or so it seems), and often times remain at home watching TV or playing video games, while the day seems to pass very quickly.
"Not all things are advantageous"
The results of constantly withdrawing oneself from people is loneliness, ignorance, low self-motivation, low self-esteem, and in most cases, leading to poverty and even suicide.
Most people are shy and tries to avoid people daily because they don't want them to see how broken they are (unknowingly to them, the other person is also broke too).
Good Friends are added benefits to our lives
They are necessary to our enjoyment and growth.
Have you observe the way children connect with each other? Oh, it is an amazing experience. They form a bond with new friends in a second, and effortlessly!
What is helping them to form such bonds so quickly? What is their secret?
Well, the hidden gems can be summarised in these 4 points:
- They make effort to initiate a friendship.
- They are generous with their time and food.
- They forgive easily (even after a quarrel and a fight).
- They view everyone as their friends.
Now, the world is moving very fast. Or maybe I should compare it to the speed of a bullet (or what do you think?).
And the quicker you form a connection, the faster you will grow.
We meet a-lot of people everyday. So how do we connect with people automatically on a daily basis.
Well, it's just as Thomas Jefferson puts it: "If you want something you never had, you have to do something you've never done".
If you need friends,
Make the effort to initiate a friendship.
Be generous with your time and food.
Learn to forgive and forget.
Stay with me, Let's break it down a little.
1. Make the effort to initiate a friendship
a. Be bold, and go for it:
Don't wait for others to make the first move. If friendship is your aim, go for it. Stop winking in the dark.
In all the relationships I have been enjoying, I discovered one simple truth in the beginning of them all.
Which is: 'While you can feel vulnerable approaching someone for the first time, the other person may have even more reluctance than you think'.
So just be bold and go straight to meet your potential friend. After all, what's the worst that can happen? S/he wouldn't cut off your neck. Would s/he?
b. Remember their names:
Once you two have been introduced, or someone gave you his or her name, use the name...
Say something that will include the name.
Let say Dave has just been introduced to me. I might say, "it's nice to meet you Dave" or "hello Dave, I think you're very special". Things like that could quickly make you remember your new friend's name.
c. Call them by their name:
It is a rule of thumb: "By their names, you shall know them, and by their names, you shall call them."
People are more receptive when you call them by their names. Use their names. It shows that you not only cares about them, but you remember and think about them.
d. Know What They Likes:
When all formalities have passed, on your free time, make some research about your new friend, through observation and among those friends s/he like to spend time or hang out with. If s/he always sit alone facing her mobile phone, then check if s/he is on:
- Imo,
- Skype,
- Twitter,
- Facebook,
- WhatsApp, and so on...
When you find one they are active on, Gbam! Create a connection. And continue from there by observing their interest. When you're sure enough of the info you had in common, make a move, and strike a comment. Or send a message.
You can send them a friendly text or Facebook message saying "hi." And If they respond positively, you could suggest a meet up in the near future (if that is your goal).
e. Love What They Likes:
Love the things that your potential friend like to do. If you are not okay with their doings but still love to befriend them for their shape and material benefits, be prepared to be robbed .
In a friendship, two things are involved:
- They could affect you positively or negatively.
- You could affect them positively or negatively.
So spot a quality earlier on, in your new friend's habit that you would like to imitate. In a friendship, each one has a responsibility to bring something to the table either good or bad. And in your case, I know it's for good.
f. Be present: Or stay in the moment!
"For everything, there is an appointed time" says king Solomon.
If you are busy, kindly say you are busy.
If your mind is not settled, express yourself and say your mind is not settled.
If you are listening, be there, and really listen.
Never do both (it's a rule of friendship).
Tell me how you will feel if (for instance), as your friend, I was looking at you absent mindedly, or with my face glued to my phone when I'm supposed to give my input or comment on that disturbing issue you just finished telling me about?
And I've acted like this not once or twice. When you will tell me your feelings (it could be about something that interest you), and I would be like um.. Ehh? What were you saying?
It happened once, and you forgave me. It happened the 2nd, and the 3rd time, and so on. At this time (without being told), you may be prompted to reconsider your union, and look somewhere else for the attention you deserved.
C'mon, who has time to waste with someone like that!
Being or not being present, can either make, or break your relationship.
So stay in the moment and always listen when someone is talking to you (not just your friend).
When you do that, you will not need to repeat everything you heard just to prove you're attentive, but the friends will always know when you are present and really listening.
2. Be generous with your food and time
a. Be sincerely interested in them:
At times, what your friend need is just your presence and your listening ears.
Smile when you need to, and speak from your heart.
Avoid pretence. If you're cunning, instinct will report you to them (later; if not now).
Starting and keeping up a conversation requires tactfulness.
You need to make and hold eye contact (but not in a creepy way!), smile, look pleasant and open, and say something clever (by 'something clever' I don't mean you should lie about your Dad having a private Jet) .
Always be ready to add values to people's lives.
I don't know if you have noticed this, but I think the population of friends in the world who love to receive things for free are higher than the ones who are willing to pay for them.
So keep Looking for opportunities to contribute values into their lives. Things like money, a brilliant idea, your time, and knowledge can be used to add values to someone's else life.
If you show interest in other people (apart from your family members) by adding values to their lives, life itself will greatly rewards you, and will also shows them that you are someone worth being friends with.
b. Be the kind of friend you would like to meet:
As simple as that...
You want your friends to send you gifts? You should practice giving too.. or maybe you want your friends to acknowledge and respect your privacy? Then you should also learn how to respect other people's privacy too.
And avoid asking personal questions (e.g How old are you? Or What do you do?) on the first day, and other things like that. No one wants to feel like they're under the spotlight or in the middle of some sort of investigation; this is one of the easiest ways to make someone feel uncomfortable.
3. Learn to forgive and forget
a. Reduced your expectations:
If friendship is your goal, then, be ready to make some sacrifices. And if you're broken, fix yourself first. Never approach a friendship for what you will only receive or get out of it. Start with the aim to give. Ask yourself: What can I give? Do I have a:
- Skills?
- Experiences?
- Money?
- Knowledge?
Just anything you can possibly think of...
It's about what you will be able to give sincerely from your heart to start a friendship? You don't necessarily need to have money. But as long as you have the time to give, you are good to go.
b. Be flexible:
7 years ago, a friend once told me: "You are too emotional Dave! Must you take everything seriously?" and I learned a very big lesson that day. And now, I am flexible, after making a lot of changes.
Let's face it. Tell me, how do you feel when you are around a friend who is good at taking offence in every little jokes of your?
But if you never have none like that before, don't worry, you will understand soon.
I will never forget the day I heard my younger brother advising his friend Samuel (name changed). He was saying to him: "Samuel, this your defensive attitude is choking everyone around you, and don't be surprised when you wake up one day and found no one by your side."
Lessons?
Be flexible, don't take things too seriously, accept other people's view, and be willing to make changes in your habit, view, and words when it is required.
People don't care about how much you know, but they will remember how much you actually care, and every little bit of fun they had with you.
Hope you learned something today?
All you have read here are just few of the methods I have used to attract friends into my life. There is more, but let me add just this advice: Never-Forget-to-Smile!
You know, smiling do not only attract people to you, but it is really good for your health.
Experts says that you should "smile in the morning, smile in the afternoon, and smile in the evening" and even in the night, while lying on your bed, Smile a big Smile (no matter what happened) before you go to bed. And you will begin to feel the energy that comes to daily smilers.
When you receive that energy, you will gain clarity, and you will fear nothing.
There is an adage (old saying) in my place that says: "A Smiler Has No Enemy". Please remember that.
Alright, let me stop here. Hope you enjoyed yourself, and learn something today?
If you practice all you have just read here, you will enjoy a successful friendship.
You will discover new things about yourself and others too.
You will increase your confidence and boost your self-esteem at once...
When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.
At the end of the day it's not about what you have or even what you've accomplished... it's about who you've lifted up, who you've made better, it's about what you've given back.
.
Enjoy;)
Now you are helping others, by inviting them here.
Our mission is to help people learn, and I really hope this article helped you.
Comment below to let me know you read this article.
No comments:
Post a Comment